Friday, August 29, 2008

The Invasion Has Begun

Actually, it began on Wednesday. For those of you who think that Wisconsin is just all beer and cheese, I have news for you. Milwaukee once was home to many fine breweries, most sadly gone now, but we do still have the international headquarters of Harley Davidson. Every five years they throw a huge anniversary party and the city is set upon by thousands upon thousands of Harley riders. It is an amazing sight to walk down the street and see more motorcycles on the road than cars. It is also an amazing sound. Even here, at my desk, in a huge concrete building, I can hear the roar of those bikes loud and clear. Had I been smart, I would have gotten out of the city for the long weekend and rented out my home to some nice HOG members. But, as is often the case, I'm too smart too late.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I'm Done!

Here are a few things I'm done with, at least until we decide to try for a third:

1. PIO/PIA shots
2. Progesterone gel
3. Ultrasounds performed by a wand
4. Infertility treatments
5. Testing early for pregnancy
6. Taking my temperature every morning and charting
7. Ovulation predictor sticks'
8. Shots of stimulating drugs

I hope that I'm also done worrying, at least about this pregnancy and this baby. Today was my nuchal translucency ultrasound. The tech didn't really say anything either way but I saw her take the measurements and then promptly headed home to ask Dr. Google what they would mean. They are behold what would be a marker for Down's Syndrome so although I don't have the results I think everything will come back normal.

My morning sickness is improving. I'm throwing up some mornings but not every morning. Mainly I am gagging a lot but keeping myself from actually vomiting. More foods are appealing to me so that makes things easier.

It seems as though summer is winding down and I'm finding it somewhat sad. Normally I welcome the changing leaves but this year it seems I'm not quite ready to see summer end. Maybe it was horrible winter we had, maybe it's that I love the freedom to just run QT outside to play when he needs to burn off some little boy energy, or maybe it's just that the winter will bring so many changes. I've never been all that good with change.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Make me stop!

My RE told me that I could start to taper off the PIO a bit before 10 weeks and then and stop completely at 10 weeks. Did I do that? Noooooo. I figured I would wait until my after my ob appointment on Monday when I was 11 weeks. Did I remember to ask my ob about stopping? Noooo. Have I stopped? Nooooo. Why not you ask? Put simply, I am paranoid that I will stop and something bad will happen. My compromise for right now is that I think I am going to switch to progesterone gel. I have six days worth leftover from my IUIs so I could use that until I'm 12 weeks. It's perfectly safe to stop at 12 weeks, correct? Please tell me to stop!

Also, if you could please tell this baby that mom needs food and water to live. Those two items are not a luxury, they are a necessity. The throwing up/dry heaving is bad. It taking hours to decide what to eat may be worse. Feeling nasuseous all the time, specially after taking even a small sip of water, is horrible. You gotta work with my here and let me eat and drink.

Friday, August 15, 2008

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

I guess I should have known that there is a limited time span in which everything can go your way. The husband got a real, genuine, teaching job with the potential for an even better teaching job next year, he was so close to getting dissertator status and I got pregnant. Things were looking good. Then, the other shoe dropped. The husband had a rough time with his preliminary exams and will not get dissertator status anytime soon. The PhD committee has recommended that he take a YEAR and re-apply for dissertator status then. Not only does that push back all of our plans at least one more year but it also puts his current teaching job in jeopardy while basically guaranteeing that he won't be be offered the better teaching job next year. Making it all the worse is that this is something I have zero control over. It would be easier for me to handle if it were me all this were happening to. I feel helpless to say anything to the husband to make him feel better and feel helpless to make certain that next year things go well. That's if there even is a next year. The husband is in such shock right now that he's not even certain that he wants to continue on with graduate school. At least for now, we're in limbo, and I don't like limbo.

Monday, August 11, 2008

What's on the Radar?

I ordered a doppler the other day and it arrived on Friday. I've read about other women who got these and either loved or hated them. Yes, hearing the heartbeat would be very reassuring but not finding the heartbeat would bring on a panic like no other. The fear of the latter is what kept me from getting one for my first pregnancy. This time around is different though. I am used to more monitoring and so this long break of four whole weeks in between visits just feels like an eternity. I tried it out Friday, twice Saturday and again yesterday and nothing. I can find my own heartbeat and every once in a while the doppler registers a higher heartbeat, high enough to be the baby's, but even with the volume turned all the way up I can't hear anything. I'm trying not to worry as I am only 10 weeks today and I know that is early to be able to hear the heartbeat with a doppler but I'm really hopeful that I'll find it soon.

Yesterday I was introduced to Guitar Hero for the Wii. It was fun but I feel like an arthritic old grandma who has been knitting for eight hours straight today. I seem to have lost some feeling in three of my left fingers. Guess I should have read all the fine print and warnings that come along with the game that I'm sure warn of the dangers of losing feeling in your finger tips if you keep battling some guitar hero to move onto the next round.

Where I found the time to play the Wii is the big question. In case you don't know, the Olympics started on Friday. I am an Olympics junkie. I'll watch anything and everything. I like them so much that I'm wishing I had taken some vacation time this week just so that I'd be able to watch the coverage during the day.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Worry Wart

It's Monday and I'm already worrying about how this week will go. Two weeks ago there was the brown spotting to worry about. Last week brought the worry to an entirely new level with the onset of pink spotting and red bleeding and a mysterious leg infection. So, what will this week bring? I hope nothing but good things!

Here's just a bit of advice, if you are ever in need of emergency room care and are in the city of Milwaukee do not go to St. Joe's. Sure, it's a great hospital and is even called the baby hospital but that apparently doesn't mean that if you're pregnant and bleeding that they will actually do anything at all to check things out. And, just because you're going to some place called the emergency room don't expect them to treat your illness like a real emergency. At least in my world, emergencies don't take FIVE hours to diagnosis and treat.

The full story is as follows:

Tuesday I began experiencing pain behind my knee and on the inside of my right thigh. I have no recollection of hitting my leg on anything, being bit by any insects or in any other way, shape or form injuring it. I just stood up from my chair to walk somewhere and it hurt. The pain worsened to the point that fully extending my leg or bending my leg was nearly impossible. When I walked I had a slight limp. Normally I'm the sort of person who blows things like this off and figures that they will work themselves out in a few days so although it hurt I didn't do anything about it. Wednesday I noticed a red splotch where the pain was so I did call my doctor and he said not to worry unless the splotch got bigger, was hot to the touch and/or my leg turned blue. That night before bed I looked again and sure enough, big red splotch that was hot to the touch. I was planning on just calling the doctor back in the morning but then I had the shock of seeing real, red blood when I went to the bathroom. It wasn't brown and not even really pink, it was red and there was even a small clot. I was just stunned. I went and told the husband who, being a typical male, didn't really get it. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that it was because he was already sleeping instead of thinking that he thought I went in the bathroom and discovered that oh, my arm was bleeding. The discovery of the blood made me call my doctor immediately. But, it would be too easy to just be able to call your doctor so instead it went like this, I called the nurse line, an operator called a nurse who called me back and then the nurse called the doctor and then called me back. An hour later I got the word that I should go to the ER and not so much for the bleeding but more so for the possibility of a blood clot in my leg. Oh joy.

I arrived at the emergency room at 11:10 p.m. and I left at 4:00 a.m. In between that time I sat around a lot. There were no magazines to read and I was instructed not to eat or drink anything. So, I just sat there, by myself, worried out of my mind. After over an hour I was moved into an exam room, after another half an hour I was visited by a nurse and then maybe another hour later finally I saw a doctor. Half an hour later I was taken to ultrasound so they could check not the baby but my leg. No blood clots were found and I was sent back to the little room and told to wait for the doctor to return. That seemed to take forever and when he did finally appear he had few answers. Maybe my leg was infected, maybe something had bit me, maybe this, maybe that, but they really don't know so they do what all doctors seem to do and handed me some antibiotics. They assured me that they are safe to take during pregnancy but that hasn't stopped me from worrying.

It was a relief to find out the leg issue is probably more of a nuisance than a real medical problem but I went home that night not knowing if everything was okay with the baby or night. The ER doc said that since I had just had an ultrasound done the week prior that he wasn't planning on checking anything and that I should just follow-up with my ob/gyn the next day. So easy for him to say. The next morning I didn't even have to call my ob because he actually called me and said that they would put me on the ultrasound schedule asap. It was a relief to see the little guy with his little beating heart. Both the ultrasound tech and the doctor could find no reason for the bleeding. My doctor just told me to stop doing so much (I didn't know that watching t.v. and putting my son to bed was doing too much) because if the bleeding didn't stop then he'd have to put me on bed rest. I was still worried but felt better when I left and I felt even better when I threw-up on Friday. I figure anything that makes this pregnancy more like the one with QT will make me feel more certain that everything is fine. The bleeding seems to have stopped but my morning sickness has also gotten a lot better. A normal person would just be thankful but oh no, not me, the lack of nauseousness and vomiting has led me right back into the bottomless pit of worry.

I am nine weeks today. When will I get to stop worrying? I know that mothers never get to stop worrying but when do I get to stop worrying specifically about this pregnancy? I don't even really mean stop worrying altogether, more just when can I have an hour or two of no worry? I've read that you can feel the baby sooner with a second pregnancy. I really hope that is true because feeling the little guy would really be a blessing.