Thursday, November 15, 2007

Exploding ovaries

Oh my gosh, my ovaries feel like they are going to explode. I'm beginning to fear that the Clomid has caused giant cysts to form. But, this is the way I felt the first month that I took it so part of me thinks it's normal. It's kind of a fullness. But, even with the feeling of fullness I am managing to still eat just fine thank you very much. I guess stomach fullness and ovary fullness are two different things.

I saw Dr. Bear on Tuesday and he prescribed progesterone gel for me to use in the second half of my cycle. It should make them longer. He also said that using it can't hurt you and so he felt comfortable giving it to me. Then, I'm scheduled for the huge battery of tests in January. He also referred me to another specialist. I didn't really feel like I "clicked" with Dr. Hayes so now I have an appointment with Dr. Janik, although not until almost March because she has a very full schedule. The only issue with Dr. Janik is whether or not she'll be in the insurance plan that I choose. We have a new plan this year, United Healthcare, which actually covers infertility treatments and so I've been considering switching to that just in case we need more than just the Clomid. When I made the appointment her office told me that she was out of network for UHC but the UHC website says that she is new network. So, I called and UHC says that she is new network. Still, I'm worried that once a claim is submitted they will change their minds and say that she isn't a preferred provider. I hate insurance junk like this.

I also hate that I'm thinking all the treatment is inevitable. I used to not think far beyond the current cycle because I always had that hope that it would happen but now it seems as though I'm just going through the cycle figuring that it won't happen. That's depressing.

Depressing too is that this weekend, for the first time ever, I was saddened by someone else's pregnancy announcement. Thus far I've felt the normal happiness and excitement when hearing such wonderful news. First pregnancy announcements still make me feel this way, I think because since I have a child I want everyone to be able to experience the same thing that I have. Second pregnancies are a different story however and I've now made the decision that I no longer want anyone to get pregnant with a second, third, fourth, fifth.......well, you get the picture.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

97.52 oh how I hate you

That's the reading on my basal thermometer every month right before my period comes. It's the temperature that I hate to see and that signals yet another failed cycle. It's the temperature that tempts me to call in sick to work and stay home in bed wallowing in self-pity and misery. It's the temperature that makes me question all of my decisions over the past 12 cycles. What are we doing wrong? Should I try harder, try less, see my ob/gyn or an RE, keep having acupuncture and taking herbs or just take the two cycles off? It shouldn't be this hard.

Save the daylight!

This weekend we did the big fall back an hour and I'm just curious about how exactly we are saving daylight by doing this. Sure, it's lighter earlier in the morning but it's also darker earlier in the evening. Personally, I'd rather come home and not feel as though it's already bedtime. When I wake up it's dark and when I come home it's dark. Ahhh, the long, cold days of winter are upon us.

Which leads me to the subject of all things winter. First, my heat is on the earliest it's ever been. I'm incredibly cheap when it comes to heating so the thermostat normally never goes above 64 and doesn't even get turned on until normally Thanksgiving. I take offense to the ever rising heating bills I receive and even more offense to the fact that I have no choice in matter and the greatest offense to having to see WE Energies advertise how wonderful their rates there. I ask you this, why does a monopoly have to advertise? Is there another company that I can buy my heat from? If so, please let me know as I would love to shop around for a better rate. So why is my heat on so early this year? Because other visitors to my home, who shall remain nameless, have been complaining that it is too chilly. Also, I feel somewhat obligated to QT that he not be freezing.

Second, how early is too early for Christmas? It's not even Thanksgiving yet and I feel as though we've just skipped right over it. Every store has all the Christmas stuff out, trees are up, wrapping paper is everywhere, what's next, Santa at the mall? Here is Milwaukee there is a radio station that began playing Christmas music 24 hours a day/7 days a week on November 1st. Am I the only person who finds that insane?

Third, will I be saying thanks on Thanksgiving for being pregnant or spreading joy this Christmas by announcing a pregnancy? Stay tuned.

Since there isn't much to say on the trying to conceive front I'll update the better eating front. I bought Superfoods Rx from the used bookstore the other day and really enjoyed it. If you're not familiar with it, the author lists fourteen "super" foods and then a few alternatives for each one so that you can have some variety. I hit the grocery store and stocked up on tons of superfoods and have trying to work them into my daily eating. It's been easier than I thought, mainly because I'm not focusing on calories or even so much serving sizes so much as just focusing on eating healthier overall. Yesterday I started the day with some steel cut oatmeal (Trader Joe's sells it frozen and it's awesome), to which I added some blueberries and flax, snacked on a handful of almonds, had albacore tuna on wheat for lunch with a side of cherry tomatoes and ended the day with tomato basil halibut with a side of wilted spinach. Okay, so I also ate a snack size Baby Ruth but you can't eat healthy all the time, right?