Wednesday, June 29, 2011

34 Week Ultrasound

The baby looked really great at the ultrasound. The heart rate started in the 130s which was good news. Measurements show that the baby is actually closer to 36 weeks than the 34 weeks I actually am. No big surprise there. A little later on the heart beat started really going and went into the 180s. It could just be from movement or something else, even though the heart looked normal on the scan. So, I am being referred to a perinatologist just to get a second opinion. What's one more doctor at this point?

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Welcome the Newest Member of our Family

I give you the 2010 Ford Flex SEL in Cinnamon Metallic:

Isn't she beautiful?

Slow Down Baby

I had an ob check yesterday afternoon. Normally they are pretty uneventful. I sit in the waiting room, I sit in exam room, the doc checks the baby's heartbeat, we discuss what's coming next and then I leave. Things were going normally yesterday except that everything was sped up. My wait both in the waiting room and in the exam room were shorter than normal and then, when the baby's heartbeat was checked it was quite sped up. The first reading was over 200 beats per minute. The second, taken just a a few minutes later was in the 180s. Over 200 is never normal and although 180 can be normal in the first trimester by 34 weeks it should be quite a bit lower.

So, I was sent over to the hospital to have the baby monitored. I was there a little over an hour in which time the baby's heart rate ranged from the 140s to the 160s, with a few spikes when there were kicks. In the end everything was declared fine and I was sent home with instructions to keep track of the baby's movement. I also have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow afternoon which will help determine the size of the baby as I am measuring a full two weeks ahead.

I have been feeling the baby move a lot today which is great since I am now super paranoid that something is going wrong and if I went too long without feeling movement I would freak out. It's going to be a long four weeks until I deliver if I continue to wake up every half an hour to make sure the baby is still moving.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Friday, June 10, 2011


The baby has been really squirmy lately and it's awesome. I love to not only feel movement but SEE movement. With SB I can remember feeling a bit awkward, like I had an alien in my stomach who was trying to get out. But, by the end of my pregnancy with him, and in my subsequent ones, the movement is something I've come to treasure and it's something I miss terribly once the babies are born.

I'm also missing Therese terribly. A year ago today was my D&C.

In brighter news, my front yard is about to get bushes! Maybe a year and a half ago we had our front bushes removed and our front porch replaced. The porch looks great but then we didn't have the money, time or energy right away to re-landscape. My aunt, a master gardener, drew up a plan for us so last weekend we went to the nursery and picked out 15 shrubs. A few are green, a few are yellow and a bunch are a very pretty deep red. I think it will be wonderful to finally have some color in our landscape. Now we just need the weather to cooperate so that everything can actually get planted. This week started out crazy out, like in the 90s, but then turned crazy cold, like in the 50s, and now today it is raining and chilly with more rain expected. If I can just get my act together I'll try and take some pictures of the progress and final results.

In darker news, I am finally getting my hair colored again today. The gray is really showing right now because I've been too lazy to do any root touch-ups over the past six weeks or so. It's gotten so bad that the mailman at work actually commented on it. He was coming in to collect the mail when I was leaving to go home so he held the door for me. I dropped my id badge, bent over to pick it up, and when I stood up he said "you could really use a touch up, your gray is showing." Gee, thanks buddy, like I didn't already know that. Normally the comments pregnant ladies get are about their huge bellies, but me? Nope, it's my gray hair that stands out.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011


There are some anniversaries you look forward to like your wedding anniversary and others not so much. This morning when I left the house it was hot but a slight breeze was blowing and I could smell the faint scent of lilacs in the air. I could also feel the baby squirming around in my belly. All seems good until I remember this day last year. My ultrasound appointment was in the morning and I can remember sitting in my kitchen sipping coffee, working the crossword puzzle and listening to the radio. I can remember what I was wearing, my navy pants, white t-shirt and green sweater. I can remember knowing deep down what the ultrasound would show and yet also having this tiny little sliver of hope that things would work out. Of course, things didn't work out and the baby had died. So, I'm a little sad today thinking how I should have a six month old baby girl.

And yes, before anyone says it, I am grateful to be currently pregnant with what I'm hoping will be a happy and healthy baby. I am also grateful that I have two wonderful children at home who give me big hugs and kisses everyday. However, no amount of gratitude for what I have can totally relieve the pain from having lost two children. There are still times when I look at SB and QT playing and I wonder what it would have been like had Trey or Therese lived. I wonder how different our family would be. Watching SB and QT grow up makes me think about the two little ones I will never get to watch grow up. I'll never seeing their budding personalities or see what they would have grown into. Loving your kids who are with you makes you all the more keenly aware of what you have lost with the ones you will never know.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Who Are These Women?

I know there are women out there who breastfeed for two plus years, make their own organic baby food, cloth diaper and don't ever watch television when their kids are around but really, who are these women?

My husband and I have a running joke in which I discuss my "fantasy world." You know, the one in which I change bed sheets more than once a month, my home is amazingly clean, laundry is washed, dried and put away all in the span of a day instead of a week, a home-made dinner is set on the dining room table each day and we all gather round and chat about our days..........

For me I am basically in "get by" mode. I do enough so that my house isn't a complete disaster, my kids have clean clothes to wear and food to eat, but I know my limitations both with time and personally. I just do not have the personality, drive or energy to do many of the things that I know other women choose to do. And you know what? I don't really feel guilty about it either. I think one key to being a happy and successful mom is knowing your limitations.