Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Crazy Eights

I am eight weeks today and I am still pregnant. I had my third ultrasound on Monday and the little peanut was still in there with a beating heart. I was shocked, truly shocked, as I was expecting the worst. And, as I sit here today, I am still expecting the worst. What I was hoping for from the ultrasound was an answer but that never came. What I got instead was more of the same. The baby grew one week but is still measuring a full week behind. The baby's heart was still beating but the first reading was 117 (below the 120 they want to see) and although the second reading was 120 I was thinking it should be higher given that the week prior it measured 110 and 115. So, 120 means it didn't gain very many beats over the course of a full week. My progesterone was retested and my levels have fallen, although not below what is acceptable, but I would rather see them go up than go down. My hcg was also retested and this is where I really am concerned. At almost eight weeks pregnant my levels are barely 21,000. When I calculated the doubling time from my last beta it came out to SIX days. Now I know that the doubling time slows down the higher the numbers get but six days is outside of the norm even for higher levels. And so, I can't help but continue to think that something is wrong.

I have to wait two weeks now for my next ultrasound. Two excruciating weeks.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

6wk5d vs 5wk5d

Monday I woke up to some bright red spotting. My assumption was that I was beginning to miscarry. I called the doctor and asked that my ultrasound be moved up to that day instead of on Tuesday. Monday afternoon I went for the scan and it was agonizing. I fully expected the tech to say that there was no baby and for a quite a while she wasn't saying anything meaning, of course, that there was no baby.....until there was! After many, many minutes she finally said "I think I see something and I think it has a heartbeat." I couldn't believe it. She showed us the screen and sure enough, there was the tiniest of babies with a little pulsating heart. The heart rate was 110 and 115 a few minutes later.

So, you'd think I'd be relieved, right? After all, doesn't everyone know that the chance of miscarriage after seeing a heart beat goes down? Well, not far down enough as evidenced by the loss of my last pregnancy. Anyway, the causes for concern are many. First, she measured the baby and declared me to be 5wk5d when in fact I was 6wk5d, or, if you read the last post, really 7w. So, I'm measuring at least a full week behind and the heart rate is along with that since at 7 weeks it should be up over 120. Second, while she was painstakingly trying to find the baby, she commented on the shape of the gestational sac and said that it didn't seem rigid enough to her. Third, she also commented on the size of the yolk sac saying that it seemed "large." Go ahead, google large yolk sac, I dare you. It is depressing, depressing, depressing news of almost guaranteed impending doom. Last, but certainly not least, is that I do not have any morning sickness. Three pregnancies in a row I've begun feeling sick right at 6 weeks and have had those feelings throughout the entire pregnancies. But not this time. Every once in a while I feel the slightest bit sick but then it passes and is nothing like my "normal" pregnancies. That really makes me question if this pregnancy hasn't just stopped progressing and I just don't know it yet.

After the scan the tech went to discuss things with the doctor. He breezed in and said everything looked good to him and he would just move my due date by a week. When I questioned the baby measuring behind he said I just conceived later than I thought. But, I know that isn't true (unless pregnancy tests are so sensitive now they can tell you a mere three days after conception). He ordered me to return in two weeks for a follow-up scan and I ordered him to allow me one in a week. If something happens I want to know sooner rather than later.

My gut is telling me that this isn't going to turn out well, that the ultrasound on Monday will reveal that the baby has passed on. I pray that isn't the case but I guess it's just too hard right now to have a ton of hope. I feel as though I need to prepare for the worst instead of hoping for the best.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

5wk6d vs 6wk1d

I had an ultrasound on Tuesday and the tech dated my pregnancy based on my lmp which made me 5wk6d. She scanned my stomach and I could see the gestational sac but not really anything in it. Then I went to bathroom and came back and she did an internal ultrasound. I was on pins and needles waiting to see that little flicker of a beating heart. Instead, all I could see was almost like a little shadow inside the sac. She said that it was the yolk sac and when I asked where the baby was she said she couldn't see one but that everything looked good for how far along I was.

From what I've read it would be normal to not see a fetal pole prior to the 6th week of pregnancy. That should put my mind at ease. However, a few things are causing me concern. First, that if I date my pregnancy by when I ovulated (of which I am certain of the date) I am really 6wk1d, not 5wk6d. Also, my beta at 21dpo was 2,048 so assuming it continued to double normally my beta would have been over 10,000 at the time of the ultrasound. At 10,000 a fetal pole AND heart beat are expected to be seen. Ugh.

I go back on Tuesday for another ultrasound. Please, please, please let there be a little baby with a strongly beating heart.