Birthdays, Baseball, Babies

Today is QT's birthday. At 7:43 p.m. he turned exactly one year old. I can't even believe that an entire year has gone by and at the same time, I can't believe that it's only been a year. I feel as though he's always been with us for so much longer and it becomes harder and harder to remember a time before we had him.

As I type the Brewer's are on their way to losing. What a waste that will be since the Cubs lost so we have a chance to come within a game. The Brewers haven't had a winning season in over a decade. How is that even possible? I guess that I will always remember the Brewers that went to the World Series and gloss over the easily 25 years since then.

On to babies. I saw a new acupuncturist today and am really excited about it. She was very nice, really listened and asked a lot of questions. She will develop a plan which includes acupuncture, chinese herbs, supplements and dietary changes. I have been trying to decide if I should just try this for the next few months or if I should go ahead with the increased does of Clomid if I don't get pregnant this month. I was surprised when the acupuncturist said that she could come up with a good herbal formula to take if I decide to take the Clomid. I had just assumed that she'd be anti-Clomid. I have a few weeks to decide what I want to do and hopefully I won't even have to decide because this will be the month I get pregnant.

Back to birthdays. My husband gave me my birthday gift early. He is sending me to New York City to see Van Morrison in concert. Van Morrison is hands down my favorite artist. I've seen him four other times but this will be my first visit to NYC. My husband is not coming along but my other husband is. Yes, that's right, I have a second husband. I highly recommend that every woman find herself a second husband. Mine goes shopping with me, hangs out with me when my husband is at work or off fishing, babysits, and now takes me to NYC for the weekend. Yea for me.

East vs West

So, after feeling pretty good over my plan for the next few months I've kind of done a turn around. I bought the book The Infertility Cure which is all about treating fertility issues with traditional Chinese medicine instead of Western medicines like Clomid. I started having acupuncture done last month so the idea of trying something alternative isn't new to me but am I ready to totally turn myself over to TCM? I don't know.

The other day I was in the car and a Billy Joel song came on and there was a phrase that just really hit me: " on the highway of regret." How many people get stuck on the highway of regret, always looking back and wondering if they made the right choices and wondering what could have been if only. I don't want to be on the regret highway so the choices I'm about to make I have to be completely sure of. I am thinking about setting a time frame for trying the alternative Chinese medicine and if I'm still not pregnant going back to taking the Clomid. It's just such a hard decision.

Another aspect of it is that the Eastern plan is actually harder. It requires changing my diet, giving up my glorious cheese, pasta and most meat. How can I live in Wisconsin and not eat cheese????? (For the record, although I love cheese, I have NEVER worn a foam piece of cheese on my head. I may live in Wisconsin but I'm not that crazy.) I've been battling my weight since I was a teenager so dieting is not a new concept and you'd think that it helping me get pregnant would be the perfect motivation, but I eat for comfort and when I'm stressed and I've been feeling that way a lot, specially each month when I find out that I'm not pregnant. What a vicious circle!

Let's discuss something none fertility and diet related - the new television season! This week so many shows come back and new ones start and all I can say is thank god for my DVR.

Doctor on call

It can take a lot for someone to surprise me in a good way but my ob/gyn has just managed to do just that. While I am on Clomid I fax him my temperature chart after each failed cycle. Well, I did that this morning and just got off the phone with him now, at 9:30pm. How many doctors do you know who are calling their patients in the evenings, well after office hours?

Now onto the plan: He wants me to take this month off from Clomid. I've done three cycles now, each at 50mg, and have only seen a modest increase in my luteal phase length. What's a luteal phase you ask? Oh, to be so naive and innocent again. For the record, the luteal phase, or lp as it is known in the trying to conceive (ttc) community, is the number of days from when you ovulate until you get your period. 14 days is average, 12 is okay, anything under 10 is bad. Mine have been typically 9 to 11 days since having my son. If we're not successful this cycle then it's back to the Clomid but at 100mg for another two cycles. I don't really want to think beyond that as I want to try and remain as upbeat and positive about the upcoming cycle and not curse myself to failure by planning what to do if we fail. Does planning for failure ensure failure or is it smart to think ahead just in case? I shall ponder that question as I fall asleep tonight.

Oh the Places You'll Go.......or not go as the case may be

If you've ever read the Dr. Seuss book, Oh the Places You'll Go, you'll know that it really is a good reflection of the journey of life. Sometimes things are great and sometimes they aren't. Sometimes everything goes your way and you're soaring high and other times nothing goes your way and you're pretty low. And, sometimes you are just stuck waiting. Waiting is portrayed as a very bad place to be as you are neither here nor there but stuck somewhere in between. Just think of all the times you've spent waiting for something, waiting to be 16 so you could get your driver's license, waiting to be 21 so you could (legally) drink, waiting for the phone to ring so you would have a date on Friday night, waiting to hear if you landed your dream job, waiting for the man who did actually call to finally propose marriage, waiting to get pregnant, waiting until you have enough money and are old enough to retire, waiting for the kids to be out of the house. Oh wait, I'm not that far yet, nowhere near retirement and kids being out of the house so let's go back to that waiting to get pregnant one, because that is where I am. I am waiting, actively waiting, but waiting nonetheless.

I did very little waiting to have my first child. Obviously I did the standard nine months of waiting once I became pregnant, but I only had to wait one month to get pregnant. We are blessed with a little boy who is mostly grins, giggles and goodness.

I had QT* in late September and we began trying for a second child in January. Why so quick you ask? Well, at the ripe old age of 35, times a wastin'. Did you know that once you hit 35 you are labled as being AMA? That stands for advanced maternal age. So, I'm advanced! Somehow, in this context, I'm guessing that advanced isn't such a good thing. I wanted to start trying again right away in the hopes of being pregnant before QT's first birthday, having my second baby when I was 36, leaving me hopefully time to have at least one more child. As of this morning, my hopes have been dashed and I'm in the dreaded waiting room, waiting to get pregnant again.

*QT is a nickname for our son since he is such a cutie