Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Today I am 13 weeks pregnant (but I easily look 20 plus weeks pregnant).  I hesitate to even type that things have been going pretty well.  I feel sick off and on but am not throwing up anywhere even close to how much I did in my other pregnancies.  A little bit of my energy seems to be coming back and so although I'm still in bed by 8:00 p.m. most nights, I'm not necessarily falling asleep that early.  I haven't had any bleeding, thank God, and I dare say I have a lot of hope that this pregnancy will result in a real, live baby.  And yet, there is always that nagging somewhere inside of me saying I shouldn't have told so many people that I am pregnant, that I shouldn't have just bought some new maternity tops, that I shouldn't ever assume this pregnancy will result in a real, live baby.

June 10th is fast approaching, which is when I lost Therese, but my thoughts mainly go back to how horrible my 13th week of pregnancy was with Trey.  I try not to dwell and try to push forward with more positive thoughts but it's hard.  When I found out that I was pregnant I really thought that since this pregnancy was unplanned it wouldn't be so crushing if I did miscarry again, I was wrong.  I know it would crush me and the husband and our children who are patiently awaiting the arrival of a new little brother or little sister.

I think if I can get through the next few weeks I'll have a little less fear.  I hate to wish the time away but I am hoping the next few weeks go quickly.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

In the Groove

On Tuesday I went in for the NT scan.  I had just listened to the baby's heartbeat the day before so I was pretty sure we'd see a wiggly baby, but I was having lots of thoughts about seeing a very thick nuchal fold.  Much to my delight, the fold measured a mere 1.3mm and that nasal bone was definitely present.  Also present were brains which was very good news indeed.  The ultrasound tech suggested we remind our baby of that when he or she is acting like a brainless teenager.

It was wonderful to see the baby again and wonderful to have nothing obviously wrong show up on the ultrasound.  The tech, knowing my history, even kindly pointed out that the placenta was attached at the back of my uterus and that she couldn't see any bleeds anywhere, and definitely not behind the placenta. 

And so, for right now I am feeling quite good about this pregnancy.  Yes, I'm still nervous, specially now that I'm in my 12th week which is when everything started to go wrong when I was pregnant with Trey, but I have a good feeling that things are going to work out the way they should for every expectant mother.  I feel like I'm in a really good groove right now with summer starting, at least a little bit of my energy coming back, and with more hope than trepidation regarding the future.

So, fingers crossed that the next 26 weeks are uneventful ones.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Chugging Right Along

Today I am 10 weeks pregnant.  It really feels strange to be pregnant again so quickly after having Sully.  I've been feeling nauseous but haven't been throwing up with any real frequency, which is both nice and terrifying all at the same time.  On Monday I had a normal ob check-up and since the doctor was running quite a bit behind schedule, the ultrasound tech offered to do an ultrasound.  I certainly wasn't going to turn her down.  The baby was super wriggly and I think he even waved at me (I am using the universal "he" there, I obviously don't know the sex of the baby yet).  The heart rate was great at 174.  Although I am always hesitant at the beginning of each ultrasound for fear that there will be bad news, I was fairly confident that the baby was at least alive as I had heard the heart beat using my doppler just the day before.  I've been able to find the heart beat since 7wk6d, which my ob was just fascinated by.  He obviously doesn't understand that once I put my mind to something I figure out a way to make it happen.  So, yes, it may have taken me an hour or more to find that little beating heart, but I found it, and in the end that made me happy.

I got a little scare yesterday when the nurse called to say that my Lovenox levels, which were tested on Monday, came back showing there was no Lovenox in my blood.  It seemed to surprise my doctor who wanted me to return to the lab immediately to have the levels re-checked but it didn't really surprise me as I do the shots around 7:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. each day and so considering they drew my blood around 5:00 p.m. that really is towards the tail end of the medicine's effectiveness.  I did return to the lab and the new result has been deemed normal.

Additionally, she reported that my progesterone level was 16.62.  My doctor considers anything over a level of 10-11 to be normal but come on, we all know they should probably be higher than that.  Cue my inner panic about how the level might be too low, and definitely might be too low for the second trimester, and how will I ever be able to bring myself to stop using the supplements and will the supplements even continue to help............
and then, last night, I got the email saying that I had new test results waiting for my review and even though I already had been told the results I figured I'd check them anyway and low and behold, the nurse had given me the wrong level.  The 16.62 was from my appointment a month ago.  The level from the blood drawn on Monday was over 29, which I think might be my highest level this pregnancy.  I plan on asking to have it checked again, before I discontinue the supplements, but at least my panic has decreased considerably, at least where progesterone levels are concerned.

That's all for now as I need to head out in search of some Tums Smoothies.  I seem to have made a grave mistake today in eating Real Chili for lunch.  Not that Real Chili isn't pretty awesome, it is, it's just not sitting well with the little baby who is in my belly.