The Days are Long, The Years are Short

QB turned one this week. She's an amazing little girl, such a cutie and almost always happy. She's a bright spot in a sometimes very bleak world. I don't know an entire year has gone by, specially when there are some days that just seem to drag on forever. I can't wait to see how she continues to grow up but I have to say that a big part of me misses my baby and even more so with all the doubt swimming around in my head about if we'll ever have another child.

This week I also finally saw the Super Doc although I am not quite sure what was so super about her. She was pleasant but I was disappointed that she hadn't reviewed any of my records, including the pathology report. Basically I had to tell her everything and then she based her opinions and conclusions on that. Gee, hope I didn't get anything wrong. In a nutshell she thinks that my miscarriage was a result of low progesterone. Without enough progesterone in the very beginning something was wrong with how the baby implanted and she thinks the big bleed I had on Christmas Eve was the result of the placenta pulling away from the uterine wall. In her opinion, the supplemental progesterone I took through 12 weeks only prolonged the inevitable. Without it she says I would have lost the baby between 6-8 weeks. Needless to say she's not a big fan of supplemental progesterone. I only thought to ask why I couldn't have just kept using progesterone AFTER I left the office.

So, she doesn't think we lost the baby due to my protein s deficiency. But, she also went on to say that with any subsequent pregnancies she would be fine with doing a therapuetic dose of Lovenox instead of the lower, preventative dose I was on. If the clotting problem didn't cause or even contribute to the miscarriage though then why the higher dose? Again, something I should have though to ask while in the office.

Lastly, she said that she thinks we'd have better success if we return to doing IVF because all those drugs would make the uterus more receptive to a baby. I guess that's an easy recommendation to make when I'm sure she makes enough money to do as many IVFs as she'd like. For me it's not quite that simple.

On my drive to work after seeing Super Doc, I formulated a plan to call a fertility clinic here in town that does a less expensive full IVF and also an even less expensive mini-IVF procedure. I got busy at work so I didn't ever have time to make the call and later that evening I found out that the doctor who ran the clinic had DIED two days earlier. He died and with him my cheaper IVF option and small glimmer of hope also died. I'm still a little stunned by this turn of events.

What's a girl to do? Research, research and more research about where in the world to do IVF at a price I can actually afford. Perhaps a vacation to Costa Rica is in my future!