Thursday, May 20, 2010

6wk5d vs 5wk5d

Monday I woke up to some bright red spotting. My assumption was that I was beginning to miscarry. I called the doctor and asked that my ultrasound be moved up to that day instead of on Tuesday. Monday afternoon I went for the scan and it was agonizing. I fully expected the tech to say that there was no baby and for a quite a while she wasn't saying anything meaning, of course, that there was no baby.....until there was! After many, many minutes she finally said "I think I see something and I think it has a heartbeat." I couldn't believe it. She showed us the screen and sure enough, there was the tiniest of babies with a little pulsating heart. The heart rate was 110 and 115 a few minutes later.

So, you'd think I'd be relieved, right? After all, doesn't everyone know that the chance of miscarriage after seeing a heart beat goes down? Well, not far down enough as evidenced by the loss of my last pregnancy. Anyway, the causes for concern are many. First, she measured the baby and declared me to be 5wk5d when in fact I was 6wk5d, or, if you read the last post, really 7w. So, I'm measuring at least a full week behind and the heart rate is along with that since at 7 weeks it should be up over 120. Second, while she was painstakingly trying to find the baby, she commented on the shape of the gestational sac and said that it didn't seem rigid enough to her. Third, she also commented on the size of the yolk sac saying that it seemed "large." Go ahead, google large yolk sac, I dare you. It is depressing, depressing, depressing news of almost guaranteed impending doom. Last, but certainly not least, is that I do not have any morning sickness. Three pregnancies in a row I've begun feeling sick right at 6 weeks and have had those feelings throughout the entire pregnancies. But not this time. Every once in a while I feel the slightest bit sick but then it passes and is nothing like my "normal" pregnancies. That really makes me question if this pregnancy hasn't just stopped progressing and I just don't know it yet.

After the scan the tech went to discuss things with the doctor. He breezed in and said everything looked good to him and he would just move my due date by a week. When I questioned the baby measuring behind he said I just conceived later than I thought. But, I know that isn't true (unless pregnancy tests are so sensitive now they can tell you a mere three days after conception). He ordered me to return in two weeks for a follow-up scan and I ordered him to allow me one in a week. If something happens I want to know sooner rather than later.

My gut is telling me that this isn't going to turn out well, that the ultrasound on Monday will reveal that the baby has passed on. I pray that isn't the case but I guess it's just too hard right now to have a ton of hope. I feel as though I need to prepare for the worst instead of hoping for the best.

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