Monday, February 25, 2013

Leep Completed

I was told that a colposcopy hurts more than a Leep.  I was misinformed.

I showed up to the office at 9:25am for what was supposed to be a 9:30am appointment (yea, like that was ever going to happen.)  The nice counter lady told me to report to the lab where they proceeded to do a pregnancy test.  They wouldn't just take my word for it that there was no possible way I was pregnant (not having sex tends to make one pretty certain) so they did a test and confirmed what I already knew.  After that, a nurse came to get me, weighed me and took my blood pressure.  As if I wasn't feeling bad enough the whole getting weighed thing just made everything worse.  I've actually lost weight since having Maren, but I'm still not at a weight that I want staring me in the face.  On the bright side, my blood pressure was excellent.

Then I waited.  I waited in an exam room and then was moved into the procedure room where I waited even longer.  I was nervous and then just plain bored.  They didn't even have magazines in the procedure room.  Like an idiot I left my cell phone in my purse and just knew that the minute I jumped up half naked from the exam table the doctor would come in.

Finally, the doctor and two nurses appeared and we were ready to go.  There was a shot meant to numb my cervix, it pinched.  Then another shot meant to numb it some more and that pinched even more.  Last, but certainly not least, was a yet another shot meant to super numb things.  That one contained epinephrine which shot through my body like bolt of lightening.  Holy cow, I've honestly never felt anything like that.  My heart felt as if it was going to beat out of my chest, my arms and legs started shaking and I felt the biggest head rush I've ever had.  Even more than eating a super cold bowl of ice-cream super fast.  For just a second or two I was afraid I was going to faint.  Now that I had been adequately numbed (or had I????) the doctor began the actual procedure of removing the lesions.  He took a wire loop and with electricity running through it, he looped away cells from my cervix.  I pondered, out loud, if I was supposed to feel that.  The doctor seemed a tad shocked and as he continued I continued to feel what he was doing.  It wasn't an unbearable pain, but it did hurt.  Once he moved down to the lower of the two lesions I couldn't feel things as much and that was a relief.  Apparently, my body takes a longer time to get numb than most.  I'm an over-achiever that way.  I just wish I had known all this prior to the doctor looping sections of my cervix away!

Worse than the procedure itself is the waiting.  The two sections of tissue that were removed will be sent off to a lab where they will tested to make sure I don't have invasive cancer.  I'm hoping to hear that there were clean margins and, obviously, no invasive cancer.  If that's the case I will return for a follow-up pap every three months for at least a year.  I really, really, really need things to be okay.  And, right about now, I really, really, really need some more Advil.

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