Sunday, July 31, 2011

One Week

Sullivan is now just over a week old and honestly, it feels as though he has always been with us. He sleeps and eats a lot and sometimes we're lucky and he opens his pretty blue eyes. I'm in awe of how we created this little person. I try and tell myself that he is the baby we were meant to meet and raise and that for some unknown reason, Trey and Therese weren't. When I watch him sleeping I think about how lucky we are but underneath, way underneath, there is still some sadness over our losses. I never thought having a baby would make up for the losses so I'm not surprised but I was surprised by how quickly that sadness came back up.

Right when I had him, when I could feel him slipping out of my body, I was sobbing with happiness and relief. He was here and when I heard him cry I thought he was safe and healthy and when they laid him on my stomach I thought he was perfect. Later in the afternoon I received flowers with a card that said "the third time is the charm." Third time? This was my fifth pregnancy and fifth child. The third time indeed wasn't the charm, nor was the forth. I suppose "the fifth time is the charm" just doesn't have the same ring and really, this was supposed to be such a happy day, not a day to dwell on the past. And so I choose to focus on what is here in front of me and what is in front of me is pure joy.

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