Time of Highest Risk

According to Dr. Coulam I am in my "time of highest risk." Hmmm, is that supposed to make me feel better? To be honest it's just been freaking me out. It's not as though I needed her to tell me that because I know exactly when things went wrong in my previous pregnancies and I know right where I am today. I know my anxiety is up because I think about using the doppler a lot more, like even on days when I've had an ultrasound and have seen a perfectly healthy baby.



My visit on Tuesday was good. The baby's heart rate has come down and is in the 160s/170s now. The baby measures right on track and Dr. Coulam says the placenta looks good. For the first time this pregnancy my natural killer cells came back completely normal. I had to laugh a little considering that I have been sick with a cold/flu thing for over a week now and so isn't it strange that they would be normal while I'm sick when illness is what should activate them?



I have what will possibly be my final appointment with her next week Wednesday. At that point I will be past my loss with Trey. We're hoping for another normal natural killer result and another good ultrasound and then it will just be me and Dr. Bear from here on out. It's super weird to think that I may be entering a phase in this pregnancy where I'll be treated just like every other pregnant woman.



So, despite the anxiety, I have been feeling pretty good about things and have even done some things like get out and wash all my maternity clothes. I've been reluctant to wear any of them because I felt that it would be bad luck but considering how huge I am (I look 25 weeks) I gave in and started wearing some of the tops and today I actually wore maternity pants as well.

Today I am mailing out the invitations to QT's second birthday party. I can't believe my little girl is turning two and I can't believe I've managed to keep this pregnancy a secret from my family this long. My plan is to be wearing full-on maternity clothes at the party and then everyone will know that I'm pregnant.........or they will think I've gained a lot of weight.......hmmm, maybe I'll actually have to tell them.