Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I Can't Lose This Baby

Today's ultrasound was wonderful. First, there was some encouraging news about my natural killer cells. The number is coming down and although it's not within normal range yet I'm hopeful that the second IV of intralipids will force them back to where they should be. Second, the baby was so adorable. I could see him (using the universal "he" because it sounds so much better than "it") wiggling around and could make out the little arms and legs. It just made me want to cry and all I could think was "I can't lose this baby."

Honestly, my heart can't take another loss, especially after seeing what I saw today. I can remember at one of the ultrasounds with Trey he was sort of waving to us and that image has stuck with me even more than a year later. I want the memories from this pregnancy to be good and joyful ones.

Dr. Coulam told me that I can stop the progesterone as well as begin to taper off the dexamethasone. Both of those things make me nervous.

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