Thursday, December 16, 2010

Joy and Sadness All Wrapped Into One

I couldn't even bring myself to look at the ultrasound screen this morning until the doctor told me there was a heartbeat. It was great to see that little flickering speck. The baby measured 6wk1d and the heart rate was over 120 so I was happy. The last baby's heart rate never got that high. So, I'm happy, thrilled, excited and nervous, oh so very nervous. Once the ultrasound was over I was right back into the great unknowing. I can't feel the baby move, I can't find the heartbeat myself and so I'm just left to wonder if things are going the way they should. That's hard for me to accept.

I'm also a little sad this week. Had I not lost the baby in June I would have been induced this week and would be bringing home a newborn little girl. Also, a year ago today is when everything started to go wrong with my pregnancy with Trey. I had the first incident of bleeding and less than two weeks later we would lose him.

So, I am hoping that today's wonderful news means that we are back on the path to having good outcomes.

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