Sunday, December 5, 2010

How On Earth Did I Get so Jaded?

I was doing dishes yesterday listening to my iPod while SB and QT danced around the kitchen to Soul Asylum's Runaway Train. I've always liked the line "How on earth did I get so jaded? Life's mysteries seem so faded." Isn't that just so true? As children we are innocent and everything is new, exciting and fascinating. Then one day it changes and you lose that innocence and suddenly you're a jaded adult hoping for the best but often times expecting the worst.

My fourth beta came back Friday night and it didn't quite double. It was 750 Wednesday morning and Friday morning it was 1,417. Now, I know that is greater than the 66% rise that many docs look for and that the doubling time should fall somewhere in between 48 to 72 hours to be normal and mine is somewhere around 52 hours, so well within normal, and yet I'm jaded and so I worry. What if it's slowing down? What if the next numbers fall outside the normal range? Ugh. I wish there was a way to turn my brain off or I wish I could go back to a time when I didn't even know what a beta was.

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