My fifth beta came back and it exactly doubled in 48 hours which made me quite happy. It went from 1,417 to 2,834. I was supposed to go back yesterday for a sixth but come on, who really gets six betas? Actually, I would have gone except that my acupuncture appointment got switched to last night and by the time I was done with that I was just too darn tired to go sit at the lab. Also, I am having an ultrasound tomorrow morning and so that will give me more useful information than any beta ever could.
How nervous am I for the ultrasound? So nervous that I think I'm making myself feel sick. Last week we saw the gestational sac but this week we should also be able to see a yolk sac and please, please, please a baby with a heartbeat. I know I'm just setting myself up for disappointment by having such high expectations but can't a baby help it's mother out some and just reassure me just this once?
As for feeling sick, I've been over analyzing every little twinge. Last week I had many incidences of bad cramps, like more than I've ever felt before and so I worried if I was starting to miscarry. Was my lower back hurting so much from lifting QT all the time or was it a sign that I was miscarrying? My lack of appetite I took as a great sign but now yesterday and today my appetite is normal. Heck, last night I ordered and ate a McRib so clearly I'm not having food aversions because if you'd be averse to something it should be a McRib. Monday I felt joyfully sick to my stomach but then felt just fine yesterday and today. Tuesday I felt a spot of pain in my right calf and just knew my body was forming another blood clot. Today, thankfully, no pain at all in my calf.
So, what do I do to try and calm myself down? I put my hands on my stomach and say "I am sending you all my love and good intentions" and I hope like heck that the baby can hear me and is listening. You are very much wanted and very much loved.
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