Sunday, October 17, 2010

Anticipation, Anticipapapation

Without anticipation of a certain outcome you could not really have disappointment. I know this and yet I continually allow myself to come up with crazy expectations. This cycle I took 12.5 of Femara EACH day for five days. That is a higher dose per day than most women take their entire cycle. So, my expectation was that I would develop three or more follicles. I actually worried that I would develop too many and that we wouldn't be able to go forward with the cycle. I wondered what it would be like to find out that I'm pregnant with triplets. And on and on and on.

Yesterday I went for my follie check and guess what? One. One freakin' follicle. I know all I need is one good egg so I'm actually not too disappointed, I'm more concerned about what my only developing one follicle on such a high dose of meds means for the future. How many would I develop in an IVF cycle, two or three? Would we be wasting our money even trying one?

And, of course, my expectation now for this cycle is that I will get pregnant so once again I am setting myself up for some huge disappointment.

IUI is scheduled for tomorrow morning. For those who are keeping track, that will make about ten hours over a five day period spent driving to and from doctor's appointments. That is crazy.

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