Thursday, July 1, 2010

Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover

People have stopped asking me how I'm doing (those who did in the first place). Even more so, people are finding it appropriate to hold long conversations regarding pregnancy around me. Is that because they are clueless or because they feel I am "over" my losses or some other reason I can't even begin to fathom?

I suppose that if I just saw myself the way others do I too might think that I've made my peace with things and am moving forward but haven't we always been told not to judge a book by it's cover? Sure, I show up for work everyday, I'm on time, I get my work done, I even stand around with coworkers and gab about the latest episode of Top Chef, but that doesn't mean I don't cry in the shower in the mornings or cry my entire drive home from work.

I believe people have stopped asking how I'm doing because it's easier to just assume everything is a-okay. If they ask they risk finding out that the truth, which is that I'm a huge mess and every day is a struggle.

A small step in moving forward has been made though. Given that I am in limbo until my cycle returns, I have made an appointment with yet another RE to discuss our options. The Madison RE told us that mini-ivf was not for us and our plan, prior to this last natural pregnancy, was to do an IUI using femara. I'm still up for that plan but figured a second, third, fourth opinion can't hurt. I am going to what I fondly refer to as the "cheap ivf doc" to find out if what they call mild-stimulation IVF would work for us. Now, this isn't the original cheap IVF doc, who unfortunately passed away this spring, but it is someone who worked with him and is temporarily managing his clinic. The receptionist said that they are basically working on a month to month basis and so any treatments I wanted to do would need to be started immediately and completed by mid-August. Well, clearly that is not going to happen. When I explained my situation she was very sympathetic and said that a consult couldn't hurt and if the doctor agrees to continue to cover the clinic that it would be good if I were an established patient. So here's to hoping we get good news on Tuesday - that a mild-stimulation may just work for us and that the doc will stick around long enough for me to cycle there.

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