Monday, May 25, 2009

Back to Where I Started

Soon after having QT I began feeling pain in my right calf. I wrongly assumed that it was a strained muscle. About seven weeks later, when I could barely walk, I was diagnosed with a blood clot. I spent a night in the hospital and then was sent home on crutches, wearing a compression stocking and with many syringes full of Lovenox which I had to inject into my stomach morning and night. The nurse who came to teach me how to do the injections was surprised when I said I already knew how. After all, at one point during my IVF cycle I was injecting myself seven times a day. The only thing different about this was that the medicine really stung and perhaps because I wasn't doing it in the hopes of having a baby it just seemed harder all around to stab the needle into my stomach. Once my level of Coumadin, which is taken orally, was high enough I was able to stop the injections which made me happy. What did not make me happy at all was finding out that while on Coumadin I will not be able to try for another baby. It is a drug proven to cause birth defects so we can't try again until I'm no longer taking it, which I was told would be for six months. Our original plan was to transfer our frozen embryo sometime this summer but now that has to be pushed back to November or probably more like December. The other issue is that of the hormones that are used during a FET cycle (or any cycle where we aren't just trying on our own) because now that I have a history of a blood clot taking hormones is not recommended. The thought that we may not be able to do anymore treatments is depressing to say the least. I am feeling down about it and about my age. Now, I'm not really depressed about turning 38 in October, it's more that I'm depressed that I seem to be running out of time and options to have any more children.

Also depressing is my current weight. I seem to be back to square one with regards to that issue. I gained no weight at all this past pregnancy and was 15 pounds lighter in the weeks after QT's birth than I was when I got pregnant. How did all that weight come back so quickly? I ask you, how is it possible to gain 15 pounds in roughly six weeks when there is no way I'd ever LOSE that much in the same time span? Granted, I have been eating lots and lots of junk lately but that really isn't anything too different. Certainly not enough to justify that kind of gain. My hope is that my return to work will help the situation as I tend to not snack at work.

And now for work - I do return full-time tomorrow. I have found working from home part-time to be the best of all possible worlds. I got to do the work that I enjoy, skip most of the work I don't enjoy, was home with my children and able to do things with them that I normally never get to. I will miss it terribly and find myself just holding QT for longer and longer periods of time thinking about how soon I won't have as much time to spend with her. I have been working feverishly trying to get a million things done around the house before returning to work. One has been to grocery shop for only healthy foods and to create a meal plan for the week.

I am actually going to diet this week in the hopes of losing some water weight rather quickly. Then my plan is to switch to just healthier eating. I found a one week diet plan in a magazine which consists of eating around 1,200 calories per day and they gave some rather easy to make recipes so I figured I'd give it a try. So far today I've had a disgusting parsley, ginger, honey, pineapple drink, steel cut oats with peanut butter and a banana for breakfast and a tuna, grape and celery salad in a pita for lunch. Currently I am enjoying a cup of coffee to try and get rid of my headache. I haven't decided yet what I'm going to have for dinner but since I don't really feel like cooking I may just go for a frozen diet entree. Once this week is over I am planning on trying out some recipes from the show Eat Yourself Thin. I have watched a ton of episodes now and am intrigued by some of the recipes and am thinking about ordering the book.

Now if only I could order more time each day I'd be set!

1 comment:

my hope my faith my love said...

sorry to hear about the blood clots, I am jealous you guys were going to try so soon again, this baby is prob our last. Unless there is a miracle.

I hear you about the weight loss, are you breastfeeding? Since this probably will be our last baby I want to drop like 60 pounds and stick to a routine, last time I was so lax about it b/c I knew I wanted more children and I was going to gain again.