Friday, October 31, 2008

Getting adjusted to all things pink

So, I think I have gotten adjusted to the idea of having a daughter. Whenever anyone asked me what gender I wanted for this baby I always said that it didn't matter to me, I was just grateful to be pregnant and want one healthy baby as a result. And, honestly, that is what is most important. However, I also just assumed or felt that I would have another boy. It's taken about a week for the news to really sink in. My first reaction was one of fear. What do I know about raising a daughter? When I'm with my nieces and look at all their Barbie fairytopia/mermadia things I always thought how lucky I was to not have to deal with all pink/purple princess/fairy stuff. I'm not one of those women who want a daughter so that they have someone to shop with, or go to the salon with, because those aren't the sorts of things that I really enjoy doing. At the same time, I was never a tomboy so I fall somewhere in between - not one of the popular, pretty girls but not one of the sporty girls either. Perhaps this is partly where my anxiety comes from. I don't want my daughter to experience the same things I did growing up. I was never the smartest, never the prettiest, never really the best at anything (other than perhaps at being a smart alec). I hadn't feeling as though I needed to lose weight, or wear make-up or have a boyfriend, etc. in order to fit in. I know that boys experience social pressures as well but having never lived through those I just assume they must be easier than what girls go through. The husband has none of these concerns and his worries lie squarely with how he will handle a young teenager, who was just like him, coming to pick his daughter up for a date. Needless to say, I'm already hearing about how "no daughter of mine is dating until they are 30."

I had a second ultrasound yesterday. At my 20 week ultrasound the tech couldn't get a profile view of the baby and so my doctor wanted to try again. When I arrived for the scan the tech said that they would be trying to get a profile shot and then also re-checking the fetal weight. That was the first I was hearing about any weight check and questioned if the baby was measuring small, figuring that if I've lost 20 pounds thus far, perhaps my doctor just wanted to check and be certain that it wasn't effecting the baby. As it turns out, the baby is measuring big, but as of right now I still don't know what that means, or if it is even significant at all. I'm trying not to worry while I wait to hear from my doctor.

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